Cereal satisfies every food group needed for a balanced meal (LOL not really, but bear with me). Hell, you can even add broccoli if you’re not getting your proper daily intake of veggies. I prefer the old-fashioned spoon and bowl with milk and my favorite cereal, but I’ve seen some CRAZY cereal eaters whip out extra sugar packets. From “okay” to “GOOD LORD”, I have listed the best cereals that make the finale of your cereal experience even better: the post-cereal milk. FYI: This list is basically a list of any cereal that later leads to diabetes.
10. FUCK SPECIAL K FOR BEING HEALTHY AND DELICIOUS AND UNRELATED TO MY DIABETES COMMENT.
9. Honey Nut Cheerios: It is time to listen to our elders and that old guy on the commercials that talks about lowering his cholesterol. Honey Nut Cheerios has a sweet aftertaste, but the taste of cardboard consumes your mouth until the Cheerios are gone. Hold your nose and close your eyes until you’ve reached the milk.
8. Any kind of Pebbles: You can literally watch the cereal dissolve and become one with the milk. Skeptical, but it does provide a sweet flavor if your tastebuds are totally shot.
7. Honey Bunches of Oats: Caution: Don’t let your cereal sit for more than five seconds or you’ll be slurping up slop. EAT, EAT, EAT so you can properly enjoy this post-cereal milk.
6. Cap’n Crunch Berries: I like to drink the milk while I’m still eating the cereal so technically there is no post-cereal milk but we can pretend for a minute.
5. Lucky Charms: My best tactic for this post-cereal milk: saving all the marshmallows for the end and drink the milk with the marshmallows
4. Fruit Loops: WAY better than the chemically-infused milk Trix produces. Damn rabbit.
3. Cocoa Puffs: If you’re lazy and really hungry, making Cocoa Puffs is the perfect substitute for chocolate milk. Drinking from a cup is boring anyways.
2. Cinnamon Toast Crunch: I sometimes rush through my cereal just to enjoy the cinnamony milk ending the second greatest cereal experience of all time.
1. Frosted Flakes: OH GOD. If my mother produced Frosted Flakes breast milk I would have been too fat to function.
Music Choice: “Love Drunk” – Boys Like Girls. Being love drunk is the greatest kind of drunk to exist, but it leaves you with a nasty hangover. The cure? Get alcohol drunk instead.