In honor of this beautiful holiday where it’s appropriate to knock on strangers’ doors and insist they give you food, I have created a blurb of my do’s and don’ts of Halloween candy. Don’t you love it when Milk Duds are kept in their box for a little too long and are nice and soft? Or how about when you try to fit a whole bag of Skittles in your mouth and regret it later as you’re choking over your kitchen sink? My favorites are the mini 100 Grand bars. Keep those in a bowl outside and I’ll be sure to take them all. BUT THE SHITTIEST CANDY OF THEM ALL…. Nasty-ass candy corn or those mini pretzels in the small black bags. Like hello, I’m not dead yet! I can still be fed loads of sugar on this special day. Raisins are okay, just make sure they’re smothered in chocolate. Halloween is my cheat day, I better enjoy it.
Music Choice: “Monster Mash” by Bobby “Boris” Pickett. The ultimate Halloween song, but I don’t really know what the mash of Monsters is? Mashed potatoes maybe? Wahhh-oooooh.