There they are. The pants you keep tucked away in your drawers hoping someday you’ll be able to wear them outside instead of struggling to put them on in front of your mirror. How did it get to this point? Have I eaten too many pieces of french toast these past few months? WHY IS MY ASS SO BIG? Well, if you’re a woman (or a man) wondering how your waist anorexic and your ass is colossal, here are a few hints on when it’s time to trash those pants and buy the next size up.
1) You hear rips in your pants every time you bend down to get something and you swear it wasn’t a fart.
2) You’ve done the squatting, the jumping and the “walk around the room until these pants get past my thighs” methods but nothing is working.
3) At the end of the day when you take off your pants you feel physically relieved. Your purple legs also start turning back to their natural color.
4) You can see your uterus because your pants have dug so far into your lower stomach.
5) You get more compliments on your ass in those pants than you’ve heard in your whole life.
6) Your leggings are mostly see through because your thighs are stretching them to their maximum capacity.
7) A muffin top is no longer your afternoon dessert. It’s reality.