Legs Tighter Than Your Relationship With Jesus

I must establish a fact before I get in depth with this blurb.

I went to Catholic school for 10 years of my life – Kindergarten through Freshman year of high school. I know how to pray the Hail Mary. For my seventh grade religion exam, I had to recite the Apostle’s Creed and totally blew it. I’ve realized I’m not that religious of a person and I don’t know whether God is waiting for me on the other side with a large pizza and unlimited Netflix. This blurb can be insulting to a large group of people, but it’s my opinion, and I like my opinion more than I like yours (no offense).

The fact priests are not entitled to marriage or have sex are two things I am highly against. I believe everyone should be happy, and even the most religious priest who only devotes his time to God should be able to have a little fun with a woman. Getting laid should be a religion that’s how godly it is. Why not just get some garden scissors and chop off their penis once a priest becomes a priest?

Ya know, now that I think about it, not allowing priest to have sex or get married is like.. profiling or something? They have to live vicariously through their non-priest friends to sneak a peak at a nice pair of boobs. Can priest send nudes? Or are their phones under surveillance too?

I don’t know. This is just a thought. I’m a bit drunk, so hopefully no one takes me too seriously, or maybe just enough people take me seriously. I want everyone to be happy. Gay people especially. Eh, I’ll probably regret including gay people with religious people in this blurb. Oh well. Get over it.

Music Choice: Stubborn Love by The Lumineers. I’ve insulted a lot of people. It’s stubborn love.


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