A first kiss is one of the memories that sticks with you no matter how hard you try and forget. One might insist a lobotomy will do the trick. But for some, a first kiss memory can be hilarious, especially mine.
It was a cold, November evening (not too sure if these details are accurate). My whole family was in the room next to me enjoying their Whopper Jr’s and milkshakes. My Catholic school was hosting a fundraiser at Burger King to raise money for our school, a smart idea because what child in America doesn’t want Burger King?
It was seventh grade and I was still playing in the playpen at Burger King. This will give you the idea of what kind of child I was and why my first kiss took so long to happen. I never fulfilled the polygamous Kindergarten dream of disregarding males and acquiring currency (snack money) before realizing boys had cooties, presently known as STDs. Anyways, if it wasn’t for my friend who already kissed five boys by third grade, I would have never gotten my first kiss.
His name was Tom Ryan O’Connor. He was my height, same colored hair, and he was available. Available as in he was one of the two boys who wanted to play Truth or Dare with us. Of course, Truth or Dare started getting boring after we stuck french fries up our noses. It got steamy.
I was dared to kiss Tom. YES, I WAS DARED. I MADE THE FIRST MOVE. ONE SMALL STEP FOR FEMALES AND ONE GIANT STEP FOR MANKIND. I did it and I liked it. It was a peck, but I wanted more. I wanted to go out and kiss every male that was in the Burger King restaurant. Thankfully, I didn’t.
Later that night, I made out with this other kid named Mat. It was a good night and the most action I got until high school.
Music Choice: “Heartless” by Kanye West. After I kissed Tom, I ate his fries. #heartless