Ah, I see you’ve returned from an extravagant journey through the rain forests of Central America and the safaris of South Africa! What a world traveler you are. You must have seen so many magnificent animals! And the cuisine? Don’t get me started! I can’t wait to hear of all your exciting tales of survival and the friendships you’ve made while you were away for so long.
What’s this? A gift? For me? Wow, it’s wrapped in authentic African paper! You must have searched high and low looking for such a perfect gift. You shouldn’t have!
Wait a minute… Is this a shot glass?
Did you buy me a fucking shot glass?
You swung from the vines of the Central American rain forests and saw giraffes licking each other in South Africa and you come back to America with a shot glass?
You really shouldn’t have.
I would rather have the dirt and animal feces from the sneakers you worn on your journey than this fucking shot glass!
What do I look like to you? An alcoholic?
*throws shot glass out the window*
*hits pedestrian in the head*
*spends 25 years to life in prison for manslaughter*
GETTING A SHOT GLASS AS A GIFT FOR A FRIEND BACK HOME WILL RESULT IN MURDER AND LIFE IN PRISON. ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT THIS BY ACTUALLY GIVING A SHIT ABOUT WHAT YOUR FRIENDS LIKE.
IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO GET A FRIEND AS A GIFT WHILE YOU ARE ENJOYING YOURSELF AND SEEING THE WORLD, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE FRIENDS BECAUSE WHO WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE WHO BRINGS HOME A 5 DOLLAR PIECE OF GLASS THAT COULD EASILY BE REPLACED WITH A RED SOLO CUP.